Virgin State of Mind
by Baby Blues
Summary: Angel returns to Sunnydale, where things are a little bit more different than what he had expected. Especially Buffy. (Dealing a lot with rape, abuse, and a mental illness called multiple personality. My first *very* dark fic)


Title: Virgin State of Mind  
  
Chapter Title: Welcome Back  
  
Author: Baby Blues  
  
E-mail: purely_blissful@hotmail.com  
  
Rated: Strong R (Issues rape and abuse)  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, but the story is.   
  
Summary: Angel returns to Sunnydale, where things are a little bit more different than what he had expected. Especially Buffy. (Dealing a lot with rape, abuse, and a mental illness called multiple personality. My first *very* dark fic)  
  
Notes: Multiple personality is caused by severe abuse and neglect. In this case, I've changed a few things to bend a little because of the story. You'll get it soon, so just hang in there. ^__^  
  
Dedication: To my psychology teacher who taught us of this illness.   
  
Excerpt:   
  
~Angel: Buffy . . .   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was the middle of October. The promise of a cold winter just right around the corner. The chilly temperature wouldn't have bothered me so much a couple of months ago, but here I was, huddled in my leather jacket and scarf even if it was only around forty to fifty degrees. But then again, I wasn't a vampire any longer, and after years of not really feeling the difference between warm and cold, a man, like myself, still had to get used to the sudden changes.   
  
  
  
I sighed.   
  
  
  
It had been a long time since I was here.   
  
  
  
Sunnydale was not the same place the last time I had been here. For one thing, the Hellmouth, as I heard before I came, was finally closed. The portal from hell destroyed by the Slayer herself.   
  
  
  
The transition had changed tremendously, and I was able to tell the subtle differences in the area that used to have been the devil's own playground. The air seemed cleaner . . . the atmosphere quieter. Maybe it was only because of the recent declining of the demon population. Whatever the reason was, it was of the good, and was of the best.   
  
  
  
I watched as a little boy, around the age of eight or seven, slowly walk past me, looking at me with wide blue eyes. I gazed back at him in curiosity, hands stuffed in my pockets. Seven years ago, I wouldn't have dreamt of a kid walking the streets of Sunnydale at night. It was too dangerous.   
  
  
  
"Hi, Mister," he greeted in a mumble through the scarf that protected his neck and half of his face.   
  
  
  
I quirked a smile. "Hello."   
  
  
  
And kids wouldn't have talked to strangers seven years ago either. "Are you lost, Mister?" the boy asked curiously, staring up at my gigantic form compared to his small one.   
  
  
  
"No," I shook my head, looking around to see if his parents were near by. Sunnydale was still a dangerous place, a kid his age should be running around talking to foreigners.   
  
  
  
"Where ya goin' then?" he asked.   
  
  
  
"A-a . . . a friend's," I stumbled a bit.   
  
  
  
"Who?"   
  
  
  
I smiled. "No one you know," I told him.   
  
  
  
"Are you sure? I've lived here all my life," he said and held up seven tiny fingers covered with thick gloves, "All seven years of it."   
  
  
  
"Her name's Buffy," I finally answered, humoring him.   
  
  
  
"I know her," the boy said excitedly. "She lives a block away from me."  
  
  
  
"Really?" I asked, a bit surprised.  
  
  
  
He nodded. "She's very nice. Especially Sarah. I heard that Julia's gone. She baked the best cookies!" he exclaimed.   
  
  
  
I frowned and stared at him for a moment. This kid was either insane or delusional. I had no idea who he was talking about. Who the hell were Sarah and Julia? And what did they have to do with Buffy?  
  
  
  
"Robbie!"   
  
  
  
I looked across the street and found a couple, hands clasped together and smiling. "Get over here, kid!" the man yelled.   
  
  
  
"Those are my parents. See ya, Mister!" the boy waved goodbye before sprinting across the road to his family.   
  
  
  
The three waved at me before continuing their walk, the sounds of their laughter and chatter drifting lightly in the cold air.   
  
  
  
Yup, Sunnydale has definitely changed.   
  
  
  
And for the better.   
  
  
  
Then why couldn't I shake off this feeling that something was still wrong? That through the bright and clearer future this town had, Sunnydale seemed to be silently weeping for something . . . or someone.   
  
  
  
I walked down the familiar road of Rodello Drive. Light peered through the windows and curtain the homes that lined the street, but no one seemed to be home in any of the clean cut houses.   
  
  
  
I hadn't been here since that fateful Thanksgiving. When I saw Buffy . . . second to the last time I saw her. The last time was when I turned back that day. The best day of my life.   
  
  
  
But I'll tell you the truth. I've never regretted taking back that day. Maybe at some point and on certain occasions, but Buffy is alive and well. And that's all I could hope for.   
  
  
  
So here I am, returning to the woman I love. I only hope that she'll take me back in her heart and in her arms. Because if she does, I intend not to ever let her go. And that's a promise I intend to keep, no matter what anyone else says.   
  
  
  
I walked up the familiar steps to her home.   
  
  
  
I was nervous.   
  
  
  
The door opened . . . and my breath was caught in my throat as I looked her over with much appreciating in my eyes. She looked the same. A bit older, thinner . . . but fuller in the hips and chest. She definitely looked like the woman she had promised to be when I first saw her eleven years ago.   
  
  
  
Has it already been that long?  
  
  
  
She stared at me in wonder, her hazel eyes twinkling strangely in the night. Horror crossed her face and I wanted to hit myself. I shouldn't have come. God. But I had to. When the woman I wanted to be with the most still held my heart and my soul in the palm of her hands. I couldn't get closure until I talked to her.   
  
  
  
But the horror on her face quickly changed into a brilliant smile.   
  
  
  
"Why, hello there, Angel!" she greeted with so much happiness that I felt a bit giddy. "Come on in! I wasn't expecting any visitors. I'm so sorry about the mess," she quickly apologized as I stepped inside, my invitation still there.   
  
  
  
I looked around. Everything was clean. She was probably nervous.   
  
  
  
I smiled sheepishly. "It looks fine to me," I gently teased.   
  
  
  
She smiled, her eyes beaming so brightly that she radiated more than she already did. "Don't be foolish, Angel," she said and hurried towards the living room where the TV was on. She quickly folded a blanket she had been using on the couch.  
  
  
  
"Would you like something to eat?" she suggested cheerily.   
  
  
  
I frowned at her exuberance. It wasn't that this was a surprise, her kindness and utter excitement, but it was definitely strange. Especially when I was expecting awkwardness and silence as I explained to her why I was there. And when we both promised to stay away from each other.   
  
  
  
"Buffy . . . "   
  
  
  
"Don't say no more," she said, lifting up her hand with a smile, "Caroline gave me this new recipe. I've been wanting to try it out, but didn't usually have the time to do so," she explained as she walked past him and to the kitchen.   
  
  
  
My frown hardened. Something strange was going on. But I followed her none the less. I watched as she moved about the kitchen, a giddy smile pasted on her face as she quietly hummed a happy tune.   
  
  
  
"I'm very glad you came by," she said as I walked deeper into the kitchen, leaning against the island counter where she had tended to my wound that one night when we were attacked by The Three.   
  
  
  
I couldn't help but give her a small smile, especially when she was looking at him so much happiness that it was blinding. " Why's that?" I asked.   
  
  
  
"Because we've missed you," she said sincerely, before leaning up and kissing him tenderly on the cheek.   
  
  
  
I was surprised, and I knew I was blushing from the heat that quickly consumed my body. She gave me a hearty chuckle and gently patted my cheek with fondness. Like a sister would to a brother . . .   
  
  
  
My worry increased.   
  
  
  
"I see you're human now," she said with a smile.   
  
  
  
I was more than surprised now. I was shocked as I gazed at her in bewilderment. How could she have possibly known?  
  
  
  
She smiled knowingly and tapped her temple. "I'm a smart woman," she laughed and then shrugged, "Plus, you were warm. Of course you're human."   
  
  
  
"I just didn't think you'd take it this lightly," I said, trying to hide my hurt at her lack of care.   
  
  
  
She looked at me but smiled as she walked towards me with light shining in her eyes. "Of course I care," she said as though she read my thoughts, "And I'm very happy for you." She tenderly kissed my lips, and I closed my eyes. "Don't leave me again?" she asked softly, but still smiling against my lips.   
  
  
  
"Never," I breathed.   
  
  
  
"Sarah!"   
  
  
  
  
  
Continued . . . 


End file.
